An All Day Struggle

Its a typical day.

The children vacillate between boisterous playfulness, obnoxious tantrums, deliberate disobedience, and moments of tenderheartedness. Often in the span of 5 minutes. I can be accepting a gift of a flower from the dirt-covered fist of my four year old or a sweet puckered kiss from my three year old, only to moments later have to discipline them for breaking a rule or hitting someone with a stick. As a mother, I attempt to compose myself and remain sane between the time they wake up and the time they go back to bed but it is a challenge.

It becomes an all day struggle to purposefully seek God and ask for His help to keep my focus on training my children and leading them down the path they should go and not just demanding obedience soley for the sake of making my own life easier.

I am not a perfect mother.

Then it hit me, I am not a perfect Christian either. God must be constantly frustrated with my waffling between repenting of my sins and promising to do better only to see me shortly thereafter lose my temper with someone or harbor bitterness or develop a bad attitude. My ranting to my husband about something or just having the ungodly thoughts crashing around in my head are, in God's eyes, much like my child's tantrum. Sure, I don't throw myself on the floor or scream at the top of my lungs like someone is murdering me... But, its as unsightly to Him as if that were what I was doing.

Knowing full-well that dressing a certain way or listening to certain music or watching certain movies or saying certain words are all ways that disobey my Heavenly Father, and yet sometimes, I may just choose to do them anyway, is disobedience just like my child may choose to break rules that we have set for them. Its just another way of me putting myself first - like a child - instead of focusing on being a better example to those around me and pleasing God.

My praying and asking God to help me turn away from sin isn't enough. He is fully capable of doing all the work but He doesn't. It takes me constantly seeking after Him to allow His ways to shine through me. I didn't pray for salvation and wake up a new person the next day. I wasn't all of a sudden reborn into perfection. I was forgiven but not incapable of making more mistakes. However, if I seek Him in both my daily activities (reading His word, prayer, scripture memory, etc...) and in my heart, He will be doing a good work in me (which is called the process of sanctification).

This truth {of my own shortcomings} is profound in the gradual changing of my attitude toward parenting my own children. God forgives me and has unsurpassable amounts of patience to offer me. It is my job to offer that grace to my children. That doesn't mean I don't set rules and limits and it doesn't mean that disobedience doesn't result in consequences but it does mean that I have the opportunity to be their first real example of Christ.

♥Shari

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